I’m not sure which is a bigger disservice, when we are told that life is meant to be easy or when we are told that our lack of success is because we aren’t tuned into ourselves. Both make it sound like life is this magical and easy path we meander down. We hear these messages from some religious folks, from self-help gurus, etc. It shapes and provides us a double whammy of encouraging less hard work and blaming ourselves for not being able to make it happen easily and effortlessly. Like if your fairy godmother didn’t show up and make your dreams come true you are a loser. Don’t get me wrong, life is incredible and beautiful but it is hard work sometimes and sometimes painful. Teddy Roosevelt once said, “It is only through labor and painful effort, by grim energy and resolute courage, that we move on to better things.” And most people would agree he had a pretty cool life. I doubt Abraham Lincoln, Mother Teresa, Jesus, Jane Addams, Clara Barton, Ida B. Wells Barnett, Helen Keller, Thomas Edison, Gandhi, Buddha, etc. would have had the lives they had if they had entrenched themselves in seeking the mellow easy path that is so often preached and marketed to us today. I feel life is more along the lines of Stephen Covey’s quote, “We are limited but we can push back the borders of our limitations.” Key word “push” meaning there is effort involved. Effort beyond paying someone to tell you or make you feel your life is groovy. Sure you can seek the easy out…but you will be seeking for a long time to no avail. While we are accustomed to thinking good things come to those who wait…I say good things come to those who get off their bums and seek and conquer. So you can be passive and let others feed you what seems convenient or you can take the following advice… “Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson “If a man would move the world, he must first move himself.” – Socrates “He who begun has half done. Dare to be wise; begin.” – Horace “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” – Helen Keller Either way you will learn a lesson. The question is what lesson and result do you want?!
Can’t Have It All…p.s. Why Would You Want To?
The other day, after being on the road for nine days, and working seven straight days to prepare for the nine I succumbed to drinking soda. I was SO tired and needing to pick up my game to make it through the home stretch without seeming/getting tired and/or crabby. So I’m drinking this soda and someone says to me “I never drink soda.” Okay, this is a conversation opener that can lead down many paths. One, I could have said that I rarely drink it except when exceedingly tired and in need of immediate sugar and caffeine at a price point below Starbucks. Or, I could have shared how many sacrifices I’d recently made to pull together a situation for so many others in lieu of my own needs. Or I could have done the I’m a lacto-vegetarian – unless you’re a vegan you may want to back off judging my soda. What I did however was say, “that’s great!” and meant it. Because what is the point of being “right” at the cost of another? What is the point of success on the backs of others? What is the point of huge profit while over extending and at times breaking your employees? What is the point of working yourself so hard that you bring little to nothing to your home? We talk about moderation when it comes to food like it is a no brainer. How long will you wait to talk about moderation in the work place? This is particularly hard if you are the boss. Depending on your corporate culture it may feel damn near impossible. But what it boils down to is this… We know we can’t have it all. So what is YOUR priority? Is it driven by a healthy environment or profit?
It isn’t failure…it is VALOR…Dare to be great!
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. “ ~Theodore Roosevelt ~-Delivered at the Sorbonne, in Paris, France on 23 April, 1910
You Go Girl! Or Not
Are we living in a world that markets to us that it is equal opportunity yet doesn’t deliver? I found the following link from Little PINK Book a brief interesting item on the likelihood of women landing executive leadership positions. Why is this relevant? Because it is easy to be “marketed” into an environment that tells you that you have equal opportunity when you don’t. The outcome is you believing it isn’t the environment that is the issue it is you. That unhappy scenario only leads to perpetuating the cycle. It also explains women leaving the ranks due to burnout before hitting executive leadership. http://littlepinkbook.com/little-pink-book/career/what-sets-you-free
How Your Life Is Like Social Media
I was reading a blog the other day about social media marketing. It occurred to me how similar social media marketing and connecting professionally/personally are. I believe two points in the blog post I read are particularly important to remember: Numbers and quality should not be individualized. (If you lose quality you will eventually lose numbers.) Frequency of engagement counts. All this is to say if you are overextended and telling yourself you are “maximizing” your time, you are kidding yourself. Being over extended will lead to numbers overtaking quality and a lower sense of engagement from those you believe (falsely) you are connecting with. It really is that simple. The blog referenced above follows: http://www.linkedin.com/news?actionBar=&articleID=5563564617914908683&ids=dPsNdP0MczcSdPoNc38QdjoRdiMTczoVdPwUc3oOe3cOcz0RdzkRb3cRczwNc34Rc3kRczwScPcSdjkIe3wOdj0VejkPd30McjoMdjoRdiMPe3oUc3AQcjATcjoQdzkPdzkR&aag=true&freq=weekly&trk=eml-tod2-b-pub-0&ut=3bKXWTJk3RtR41
What Just Happened?
This week I found myself asking myself “What just happened?!” I had just finished raising my voice towards an employee. That isn’t me. That isn’t behavior I approve of or exhibit. So what just happen? I want to preface this with I’m overjoyed that I had the knowledge to recognize I was at the beginning of a very dark and onerous path. One a lot of us go down thinking “this situation requires it.” Let me help you out, there is never a situation that requires you to treat others unkindly. Never. “Never” seems like a powerful statement in a world where people can be idiots and/or jerks. Here is the thing though, you (most likely) don’t want to be an idiot or a jerk. And you will be once you creep from ‘just this time’ into the next time and next time… BOOM, you’ve now got a new habit/behavior and BOOM you are now an idiot or jerk. How does that work out for everybody? Not good my friend, not good. I great friend and amazing coach sent the following link which very appropriately timed I got this morning, http://zenhabits.net/conscious/ . It addresses what I like to call “action creep”. Actions that slowly creep into behaviors and habits. Actions that also can turn us into a creep. The path you go down will determine your destination. This is to say, be very aware of the path(s) you pick daily. And above all, don’t let FEAR of failure or confrontation bully you into becoming someone you know at your core you are not.
Help vs Hope
It seems appropriate this week of Thanksgiving to reflect a bit on the relationship we have with others. Specifically I’ve been thinking a lot about help vs hope. Last week I saw the TED video of Becky Blanton, a brilliant writer/journalist. She talks about, and it is not always easy to watch or hear, how any one of us can slip into being invisible. She also talks of how help and hope are different and how without hope life dissipates into vast nothingness with a feeling of no control. Ms. Blanton says, “If I killed myself, no one would notice.” It is through seeking help, some homeless people, including a college professor, help her identify the necessity of hope. How are you interacting with co-workers, subordinates, friends and family? Offering help has great value. It is often the bridge to a better place. But without hope help can not serve anyone long-term. We have many social services and employee programs that provide help at the cost of hope as they do it in a demoralizing way. A way that highlights ‘this is where/who you are’ rather than ‘this is your great potential. It doesn’t really matter if it is within a personal or professional realm, when we provide hope we provide growth and a future. Hope can take the form of an encouraging word, belief in the ability of one to succeed, delegation of a project, a promotion, etc. Hope is the essential ingredient needed to providing others vision, strength and belief in self. Such a lofty and hefty statement is the prior sentence; yet so easily implemented. As we kick off this holiday season I cannot think of anything greater to be thankful for, or a better gift to give than “hope.” If you’d like to watch the clip of Ms. Blanton you will find it at http://www.ted.com/talks/becky_blanton_the_year_i_was_homeless.html
Disagree vs Disrespect
There is nothing wrong with disagreeing with a plan, a person, an institution, etc. There is however something wrong with disrespecting them. This morning while following an email exchange I was shocked on how disrespectful an employee was to the board she serves. Being disrespectful is never okay. The next time you feel entitled to be so remember this one important fact… When you are disrespectful it is a reflection on you, not the recipient. The resolution to any disagreement and/or difference lies in actively and respectfully engaging. It is our differences in outlooks and opinions that create groundwork for grander pursuits.
Procrastination
Did you know that procrastination is a form of self-sabotage? An article in the October 2011 issue of “Psychology Today” shares, “When it comes to self-sabotage, procrastination is king.” Why does such a harmless behavior such as procrastination merit such an ugly title? There are a myriad of reasons, but for the sake of brevity here are two primary ones. One, it creates a pattern in us that we begin to believe. We begin to believe that we are procrastinating for a valid reason. So internally that is what we see as happening. Externally, others view your behavior as irrational or irresponsible. That is a misperception gap that can have huge negative implications. Secondly, when we delay action by procrastinating a very obvious thing happens…we delay action. Mark Twain’s quote about eating the frog first thing in the morning and the rest of the day will be better applies to procrastinators. Whatever you are putting off, for whatever reason, will not be any better if you wait to do it. The short-term mood repair we gain by procrastinating does not merit the damage that will be done. Procrastination messes up your ability to create and implement through setting strong intentions. It undercuts how people perceive you as a doer and label you as a talker. Procrastination allows your emotions to run wild and leave you subject to whims rather than controlling your day. And while you may think that you are merely putting off one task, the reality is you are completely undermining your ability to set and implement both short and long-term goals.