I saw the above in a random post this morning. I’d like to take that 2% and up it to the 20% reminder Pareto’s Law conveys. Shape it how you want to, 20% of the people in your life cause 80% of the problems, 80% of your time goes to 20% of your customers, etc. No matter how you frame it, it is a great reminder of really taking a look at how you are distributing your resources and the return on investment, be it financial, emotional, etc. you receive. Recently I’ve noticed my 2nd and 3rd quarters have been time starved yet not financially productive. I’ve taken a look at where my time is going. And true to formula, 80% of my time is going to 20% of the people in my life, which happen to have a low to no return on investment for me, relationship wise, business wise, productivity wise, etc. A very ‘people pleasing’ dynamic grew out of this 20% at some point, and unchecked that dynamic has grown like a field of weeds. Consequently I have the majority of my time being sucked up by people with their hands out. Don’t get me wrong I believe in mentoring, supporting, even volunteering. The risk factor to stay aware of is when we fall out of balance and there is no mutual benefit. I’m not suggesting there always has to be a mutual benefit on every human interaction you have, but odds are you have a lot of responsibility in your life and need to be cognizant of what will build you up, and what will tear you down. It is true, if you identified a 2% shift there would be an impact. Realistically though, odds are if you invest the time you can identify over a 20% factor that would significantly change your daily life, and subsequently your life as a whole. The challenge is one, carving out time for evaluation, and two, having the courage to set down and walk away from those things that no longer serve your mental, financial and/or physical well-being. I’ve recently completed step one, and now begin step two. Step two will not be an easy journey for me, and perhaps at times unpleasant, but I do know that doing the ‘work’ to make it happen contributes to not only further empowering myself, but perhaps even empowering another by modeling the behavior.
No.
“No” is a complete response. I had the great pleasure of spending sometime this week with a friend and colleague, Deborah Siegel, PhD. While talking with Deborah, she shared something amazing. She said she has a place in her office where she marks down when she says ‘no.’ So why is saying no a big deal? Because most of us, especially women, struggle with saying ‘no’, and saying no without having to explain why, etc. The ramifications can be significant when we fail to draw, and stick to the boundaries we need to be successful on our own terms. Here is a perfect example involving my own lapse. I over committed in the last few months. Some of the stuff I committed to I love and would do anytime I was asked. Some of it was because I felt I ‘should’ even though time wise I knew it would mean 4am or 5am starts to the work day and 11pm ends to the work day. What happened was due to being over committed, over worked, and under rested I began to slip up on things. Specifics…The May TEDx event I organized and ran required a lot of work pre, during and post event work with caterers, budgets, social media, ticket sales, accounting, speakers, etc. I LOVED doing that event, and deeply enjoyed the speakers that come on board. Being over committed I was not able to fully entrench myself the way I wanted to. Also updating TEDx web site required text often happened prior to 5am or after 10pm, or even on the fly via my cell phone, not ideal. And yes, I did it at 100 mph and managed to misspell one of the speaker’s name, not only in the original program for the event, but also on the TEDx video bio. I guarantee you this would not have happened if I had not over committed to things that really weren’t as meaningful and/or valuable. I got lucky, the speaker, Katy Hansell, caught it prior to the program going to print, and on the web site, which I then updated. Even luckier for me, is Katy is truly a generous person and made me feel like I was not an idiot for screwing it up. But we all know that doesn’t always happen, and very often people will zoom in on the 1% you missed rather than the 99% amazing stuff you got done. All this is to say, saying ‘no’ not only supports you, your mission, your business/employer, your family, etc. by empowering you to give your best, it is also a necessary thing to do. The word “no” does not require an explanation, nor does it need to involve feeling bad. One of the greatest lies in our culture is that we should be able to do everything, all the time and be the most amazing person in the history of the world at it. WRONG. You should do what you do best, and leave the other stuff to someone else who can do it best. Saying ‘no’ not only helps you up your game, it allows someone else to shine with the opportunity you are turning down. And yes, I am now proudly tracking when I say ‘no.’ Want to check out the two amazing women noted in this post? Visit Deborah Siegel, PhD, she does amazing things, by clicking here. And visit Katy Hansell, who also does amazing things by clicking here.
What Is Beneath The Surface?
What is beneath the surface of your decisions? Do you even consider what the motivators might be for deciding and acting the way you do? While “critical thinking” is a fairly common term and practice, what about “critical awareness”? Critical thinking involves looking into data, etc. when pursuing a decision or outcome. Critical awareness takes the critical thinking process and additional step. Critical awareness is looking at data and forming decisions/pursuing outcomes with the knowledge of social, community and overall societal factors as part of the consideration. Example, John makes a critical thinking decision based on raw ROI data and it ends up blowing up. Why? Because community and societal factors (critical awareness) were not considered, i.e. the consumer was not engaged. Critical awareness provides a larger canvas of possible outcomes. It provides the ‘why’ that drives the ‘what.’ While critical awareness can be an individual tool, it can also be applied to examining and demystifying the mass market. Critical awareness can best be explained by the following: critical awareness=determining who benefits from each potential decision path’s outcome.
Ratty Transgressions
There are all types of very important, official sounding words to describe group/team conflict dynamics. We can talk about proportional or perceptual conflict, but what it all boils down to on most occasions when conflict goes from productive to toxic is what I like to call “rats in a cage conflict.” “Rats in a cage conflict” is the scenario when there appears (real or not) to be more work and less time for those within the dynamic to get it all done. Basically, scarce resources, primal instincts equal turning on each other. The result is the dual ratty transgressions of finger-pointing and off-loading responsibilities. A simpler term is “drama.” The key to resolution is within the observation of the dynamic and workload as a whole. As noted above, the fall out can come from a scenario that is perceived and not real? How? Burnout and even stress can skew our outlooks. We fail to appropriately address and manage our time. For instance, recently someone shared they don’t have enough time for all that is required of them. Upon further evaluation, turns out he does have enough time, the time however was not being managed well. Often just the stress of the known combined with the unknown timeline of when the flood will abate is enough for folks to disconnect from appropriate time management skills, and the downward spiral begins. Perceived work versus actual work can be two very different things. When our time management component snaps due to misperception, the toxic fallout will spread to additional employees and the dominos begin to fall. So how do you address the situation? You can address it in several ways. Time management resources help, continued communication helps, accountability helps, and planning helps. If someone is overwhelmed have them map out their duties and time management plan. Boom, whining goes away and you can identify if the problem is real or perceived.
The Cost Of Failing To Act
Have you ever found yourself hesitant about making a decision and/or taking action on an item, a plan, or even something you are thinking of saying to someone? Of course you have. It is called discernment and it is an excellent tool to utilize. However, there is a huge difference between discernment and failure to launch. Discernment is the ability to implement the use of your keen insight, make a judgement and move forward with it. If there is no moving forward, why waste your time in discernment or evaluation? We so often get caught up in worrying or debating the cost, mental, financial or physical, of a decision that we forget to calculate the cost of both failure to act and/or delay in action. Missed opportunity is HUGE cost wise! Is moving forward and action easy? Not always and I get that. I over scheduled myself this week, am planning a major life change, including a move, under a fairly short timeline. Did I wake up with a stomach ache this morning feeling overwhelmed? Yes. Did I use discernment to help kick my butt into high gear to tackle it all? Yes again. Because the cost of not doing it (and not doing something is always an option) is much higher than getting on with it.